A Collection of Miracles

The tiredness filled my body like a flu. Every nerve ending studded with numbness. My head was spinning with each word that sloppily found my lips. 

But I had to do it. 

I reached down just below my belly button. I focused just long enough to feel a rough, scratchy line. It was longer than I expected and also deeper. I had just woken from a 4 hour surgery to receive a new kidney. 

Fast forward a month. 

These days are filled with eating what I want again. I slice ripe avocados daily. A little sea salt and crushed pepper, and I am a happy girl. 

These days I wake up with no bloat in my body. I have no bags under my eyes or edema in my feet. I feel light ... maybe airy. 

I catch myself staring at a picture that one of the surgeons took of my donor's kidney, which is now mine. When I look at it, my heart starts to quicken its beat. It is such a beautiful specimen, all pink and red. Aglow with oxygenated blood and tissue. I look at this, and I say thank you aloud. I look at this, and I know despite the difficulties that have littered my life, that I was chosen for this miracle. 

So many miracles that came together to form this fantastic web of healing. My donor had the biggest heart to get tested. Not only were we a match, but we were a 5 out of 6 match. Basically, we matched like siblings would. 

We both got through our surgeries and were trying to walk the next day. 

Today, we are learning more about each other. We chat a couple times a week. I hope we are forming a foundation for friendship for a lifetime. 

This morning I sat in the quiet reading some of my favorite essays. I made my own latte with extra milk foam. I stroked my baby bunny's fur as he warmed my feet. 

I was in awe. 

I catch myself in wonderment of normal daily activities. Each breath I am given is absolutely precious. It is so easy to dismiss life when it is easy. It's been so long since my life was easy, it is hard to remember it. My new kidney is making it "easier."

I think the biggest miracle of them all is knowing with all of my being that I will never forget how miserable life was with a failing kidney. Each day I woke with a sadness so heavy, it hurt. I treasure my new kidney like finding a lost friend.

So MANY lessons to observe here. I am letting them sink in. I can feel them in my bones. They are filling me up and patching holes. Slowly, slowly rebuilding me.